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Identity issues has been a vital conversational topic among the literature cohort, due to Paper 5apos;s theme of identity. I think the inner conflict all boils down to this:

Can I establish a unique identity of my own that is not imposed by society?
Why does one feel such a sense of disconnection from their environment?

Oddly enough, I think Iapos;ve found the answer through GP and History.

Globalisation is much more than economic integration and access to different cultures. How much have we been influenced by the Western culture? Particularly in Singapore, I feel that the traditional Asian cultures are slowly fading away, itapos;s significance to be replaced by the Westapos;s moral values and pop culture. Already we see a rise in people not staying with their parents as they start working, the rejection of traditonal chinese rituals (also due to religious conversions) and so on. Bottom line is, we are exposed totally to western influence, and are made to believe that the ideals they hold, are the wholesome way to live life.

No wonder Singaporeans cannot be bothered to say the pledge during morning assembly. There is simply no sense of connection and belonging to this nation they are made to call home. This is the result of being such an open economy. You want the people to love where they are right now, but you show them that the grass is greener on the other side. Whether or not that is true, it holds little importance because the people here (esp our generation) is made to believe that is the truth.

"The government is practicing propaganda" many would whine. "So restrictive", because they compare it to countries like, I dunno, US? Democracy is afterall, not a perfect system, as Winston Chruchill once proclaimed. (itapos;s just that he didnapos;t know a better one, haha)

Yeah sure. Look where apos;pureapos; democracy brought them today. The proposed 700 billion dollar bail out just screams lapsing into socialism.

Okay fine, letapos;s look at the alternative. How about lapsing totally in Marxism? Establishing a communist state?
I mean, look at North Korea and China (soon enough we can wipe the latter off the list). Did you see how the North Koreans mourned for Kim Ill Sung when he died? That is like pure devotion The people shared such a strong sense of belonging, I cannot help but wonder if communism is all that bad. They may be closed off from the world and such, but would the people there suffer idenity problems such as those in Singapore? Do they even know they have idenitiy issues?

Does it even matter? If you donapos;t know them, isnapos;t it as good as non-existent?

But of course, communism is a failed system. Nobody wants that anymore,except a selected few (or one, I donapos;t know). Itapos;s been proven.

But it just does to show that whatever system we adopt, questioning itapos;s legibility is inevitable. Does a right way to govern, to live really exist? Is there, a Truth at all?

Well I for one know whatapos;s my Truth. Who also happens to be the light and the way ;)
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Weight: 173

Intake: Way too much.

Gah Iapos;m a huge cow. Binged a ton. Disgusting with myself. I canapos;t believe how nasty Iapos;ve become. I just want to rewind to November and be back down to 141. I canapos;t believe Iapos;ve gained so much weight And all I do is bitch all the time.

At least I have my letter for CE now. I need to turn it in this week so I can get cracking on my hours.

I should be purging right now. But instead Iapos;m still eating. Stuffing my face. Iapos;ve eating close to an entire box of saltines. Iapos;ve had cookies, cereal, more cookies, cupcakes, icecream. Completely nasty. Iapos;m pissing myself off so much right now. I need to quit eating, quit convincing myself Iapos;m allowed to eat, and get back to starving. Works much better that way. *sigh*

Iapos;m so sick of fighting with myself. I know I can do this. Grrrr. I binged and purged several times today. My whole body seems to reek of vomit. I guess I deserve that. I gross myself out and Iapos;m sure many others as well. I canapos;t wait until I have internet again. I binged so much less then. And I wish I had my gym membership, and to be working of course.

I want my chaotic life back so I have less time to eat and less time to even THINK about food. I canapos;t keep living like this. I need to learn how to say NO and mean it. Because right now all I do is give in. I hate it. And my chest has been hurting all damn day. I need to take my potassium still.

Some days I wish I would just have the heart attack and get it over with. If I die, I die. I just need to be thin. I need to get away from food. It haunts me everywhere. I may fast for a few days and do my internal cleanse. Weapos;ll see. Blah. What a lame ass life. Pathetic. Half of the time I donapos;t even want to wake up in the morning. I could care less tonight. I hate everything that the moment. Irsquo;m sure I wouldnapos;t be missed by many. At least then I could stop hurting everyone around me. It would be one last pain and I would be gone. The only reason I havenapos;t done it yet is because of my mom finding me and my own fire department taking me in. Neither of which I want.

I want to cut so bad. I havenapos;t in quite a while. I donapos;t even care if I need stitches. The only thing is that I need CE hours and Iapos;ve just been given my letter of extension. Irsquo;m really hoping I can knock out at least my fire department shit by the end of the month. Well things I CAN get done. A few of the things will require a burndown. *sigh* It shouldnapos;t be too bad getting my CE hours. I do need to contact the National Registry to try and get an extension as well so I can get my ACLS.

Ugh. All this shit stresses me out like crazy. As does my house. My mom is constantly getting on my case. And she even made Andie cry today She confuses me so much. First she canapos;t wait to leave. Then she talks about getting a bed for her room. Whatever. I just want an income so I can finish the house. But with how my luck is, it will be a long time before that will happen. I canapos;t believe none of the fire departments/PSSI/hospitals have come through yet. Itapos;s all just one big slap in the face.

I just wish my life would be okay for a day or even a week. Every day is just more time to feel like shit and feel used and agitated. Everything would be better if I was thin. Ugh Andie and I went to the OA meeting at Highland Park on the 16th. It was okay. Definitely different from ANAD. Oh well. Iapos;m a waste of time and space in both groups because I have no desire to get better. I donapos;t care what I have to do to get skinny. I donapos;t care how much it hurts. Such is life. Getting fat hurt too. At least getting thin serves a purpose. UGH. I canapos;t stop smelling fucking vomit Completely nasty. I hate that. I just want to be anorexic and not have to worry about puking all the time. I donapos;t even care if I need a tube. Thatapos;s better than being FAT. End. Of. Story.

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I am looking to buy a car in the very near future.
I am most interested in Chevys and Toyotas... I am willing to get something else, but those are the two makes that I trust and have had good experience with. I canapos;t buy from someone direct, as like most people right now, I donapos;t have the money for that. I need to go through a dealer and finance.

Iapos;m not at all happy about this but it has to be done.

I am wondering if any of you have bought either of these makes from a dealer and where you went. Suggestions on where to go? Where to avoid? I need to get out this coming week to do this. Any places that accept trade-ins are a plus

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A mere wave and a "hi" from you makes me feel so at peace and pleased with myself.

I�think Iapos;m convinced enough that Iapos;m mad for you and am practically going heads over heels.

If thereapos;s half a chance that you still havenapos;t forgotten about us...... This hope just kept interrupting my thoughts the whole day.

I hate playing this game of merry-go-round.

What if there are still remnants of feelings residing deep inside your heart.


If only we could just figure this out and face each other bravely.
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It was at some point during my hours-long trek through the Xenosaga wiki that I realized something:

If I need to read an entire wiki page-by-page just to understand the plot of your video game, after playing your video game, itapos;s too fucking complicated.

You can cite any number of reasons for Xenosagaapos;s lackluster commercial success: too much video-to-gameplay ratio, the constant radical restructuring of the development and production team leading to endless character and gameplay inconsistencies, the fact that Xenogears material could never be directly addressed due to copyright issues, cultural differences between the creators and American audiences, and more. But the biggest obstacle to enjoying Xenosaga for me (and I have to suspect, some others as well) was the infuriatingly, almost smugly, self-consciously incomprehensible storyline. The games are filled with moments where I swear itapos;s like the scenario writers are saying "lol, you donapos;t know WTF is goinapos; on, and weapos;re never gonna tell you." Itapos;s just a bit insulting.

Iapos;m sure some of that is a cultural difference. Iapos;ve noticed that the less comprehensible anime is, the more it seems to be beloved by otaku. The idea of the "open-ended-narrative" where possibilities and questions are presented but never manifestly answered is not lost on me. But I honestly have come to see that as a cop-out. Just because a story makes no sense does not mean it is brilliant or cerebral (something that surrealist anime comedies seem to like to point out, so even if Iapos;m in the minority, I must not be the only fan to notice that trend). Itapos;s lazy storytelling to let the audience "figure out" the entire story.

Western audiences like a tale with a beginning, a middle and an end. Mystery is used in the beginning of a story to pique interest, and should be mostly cleared-up by the end of the middle, where the drama and conflict of the characters picks up the audienceapos;s interest and drives the story. At the very least, the mysteries raised in the beginning should be cleared up by the end, unless you intend to leave something open for a sequel. To do otherwise is unfulfilling.

I donapos;t care if you want your story to "make me think." Make the themes of your story compelling and deep enough that they make me think about important things, as opposed to "what just happened," "why did character X do that," or anything else that is limited to the plot of your own fiction.

And if you want to explore Gnostic religion, Kabbalistic mysticism, Jungian psychology and Nichean philosophy in a sci-fi fantasy setting with half-naked laser-teleporting battle android babes, genetically-engineered delicious perma-loli nano-humans with chemically addictive flesh, 2-story techno-magical spacefaring mecha, a superpowered self-ressurecting albino mutant clone pedophile who was built to kill God, and Jesus as a playable character, find a way to make it all make sense. Or donapos;t fucking do it, bitches.

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Maybe some of you might have heard about them. I came across their story on youtube. Damn emo sia. This is a�story about a fatherapos;s very great�love. Rick Hoyt has cerebral palsy, caused by loss of oxygen to his brain at birth because his umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck. Doctors said that he would live life in a persistent vegetative state, which his father Dick Hoyt stubbornly disbelieves.

At the age of 12, Rick was able to learn how to use a special computer to communicate, using movements from his head. The first words he typed were, "Go Bruins", some ice hockey team, and the family learned he was a sports fan. Dick decided to enter their first race in 1977, a 5 mile run, after which Rick told his dad, he never felt more alive during the race and from then on, the great father towed him over oceans, and cycled and pushed him over enormous distances on land. They completed marathons, triathlons and even ironman triathlons.

When asked what one thing Rick wished he could give his father, his reply was "The thing Iapos;d most like is that my dad would sit in the chair and I would push him once."

if they can do it, why cant we.

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